I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
