marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
