Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think your dad took our porno
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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