Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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