Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
