I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
