Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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