I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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