the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
