Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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