yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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