I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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