Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
foreskin is a definite game changer
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
