If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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