honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize