She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
