I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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