U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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