I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
