Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
