yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm so fucking centered right now
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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