I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
