I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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