I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
