so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
