he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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