my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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