He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
