i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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