Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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