thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There are leaves in my underwear?
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