Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
