and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize