I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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