I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
