at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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