It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
