something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize