Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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