which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
