Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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