My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
