his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Couch. On fire.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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