Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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