its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
