super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
