your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
