"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
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