wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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