Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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