I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
don't judge my taste in strippers
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
