I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
