I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
