yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
