Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
