I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
