"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
They have beer where we have blood.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
