I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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