Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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