FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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