I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
