Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
