Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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