She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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