worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize