i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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