Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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