My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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