If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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