Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
