is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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