why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
