we made out on top of his cat.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
