Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
