god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
