my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
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