So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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