we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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