The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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