I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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