Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
