He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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