Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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