absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
