I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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