disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
