We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
