3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
