After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
