I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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