She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize