Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize