i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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