he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
