He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
