Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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