Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
