Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
