no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
