i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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