My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
