Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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