I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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