i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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