My liver just broke up with me...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
