I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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