I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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