respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize