OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
