She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
