he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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