yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
