I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
